it be like that sometimes
I feel so overwhelmed
so tired,
of smiling, laughing, nodding and engaging in polite conversation.
Having to explain that the familiar yet powerful wave of sadness is dragging me down with it once again is not ideal so I stick with the 'routine'.
I don't know how they will recieve the news or how they will react when they find out that the dark thoughts I've been battling constantly have become my friends.
I don't know if they will understand that death has become something I fantasize about, that it's not scary but strangely appealing.
My haggard mind fights with my heavy heart to hold back the tears.
And as soon as I see them I smile, letting it control me and selling the perfectly fabricated front of what was once a broken and now empty soul.
My girl, I know this won't have much meaning right now giving the state you're in but believe me behind every dark tunnel there is light. You are beyond the anger, the grief, the trauma and the suicidal thoughts...believe me you are. Cultivate positivity, even if it's reading devotions or whatever it is that makes you happy. There was no mistake in the way things turned out for you, none whatsoever but it is all to build you and cultivate you into the person you are right now. The person who goes out of their way to make sure their friends never go through any dark times alone. ULilitha likamamakho mntase, ungaze uyilibale lonto❤. I'll continue praying for your mental stability and pray that you one day meet people that'll completely shift your mindset for the better, you truly deserve to experience a love and nuture so sweet. Ilysm Banjibanji❤.
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ReplyDeleteI love it 😍😍I'm so proud you ❤️
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